Calling for the stoning of SpongeBob

Long sigh...

Just when I thought we Americans couldn't get any less intelligent and/or holier than thou, we are told (and some are, I'm sure, buying this) by right-wing evangelical groups that SpongeBob SquarePants is now luring children to a life of depravity. According to a Reuter's News Agency report, the American Family Association and Focus on the Family, two conservative groups, singled out the popular yellow cartoon character in criticisms of a new video that promotes tolerance and diversity.

No matter that SpongeBob's creator has previously stated that he views SpongeBob and his buddies as asexual. No matter that the video includes other characters like Barney, Winnie the Pooh, Bob the Builder, the Rugrats, and characters from Sesame Street (Tinky Winky the allegedly gay purple Teletubbie is conspicuously absent). No matter that the video's producer, Nile Rodgers, says, "You have really got to look hard to find anything in this that is offensive to anyone. The last thing I am going to do is taint these characters."

The main problem, according to the conservative groups, is that there is a link to a pledge on the We Are Family Foundation (WAFF) website that refers to another organization promoting tolerance. That group, Tolerance.org, apparently is open minded enough (or immoral enough, depending on whose side you are on) to include sexual identity, along with race and religion, as one characteristic of people that we can all be a bit more accepting of.

The main problem, in my mind, is that the media even picked up this story. The WAFF didn't pursue the limelight, but the conservative groups sure seem to have relished the coverage and the opportunity to persecute their gay neighbors and judge others. These groups are also having an anti-tolerance field day capitalizing on the coincidental name similarity of the WAFF and WAF (WeAreFamily), an organization dedicated to supporting GLBT youth.

I'm wondering why they singled out SpongeBob. One report said it was because he and his friend Patrick, a starfish, sometimes hold hands and skip. Well, geez, if that doesn't corfirm SpongeBob's flaming homosexuality, what would?!?! It doesn't help his case that he's not married and lives in a flamboyant but tidy pineapple under the sea.

While we're at it, I always thought it odd that Bert and Ernie, two single "best friends" from Sesame Street (neither of whom I've ever seen on a date with a woman) live together. Something immoral must be going on there. And what about Dr. Benton Quest and his "bodygard" Race Bannon. Not only are they suspiciously close friends, but there's no mother figure in the Quest household for poor Johnny to be nurtured by.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

I guess we should probably go back to stoning homosexuals and bring back slavery, since those are acceptable social practices in the Old Testament. Maybe I'll go to hell for saying this, but I just don't think God wants us to treat anybody that way... As Rodney King said, why can't we all just get along?

Visit the We Are Family Foundation and Tolerance.org to draw your own conclusions.