Shelf life

I was reading something online where the writer described the relationship with his ex saying (rather too philosophically, in my opinion) "some things just have a shelf life." Hmm. "This relationship best before date on carton."

I hate that I'm at a point where so many of my friendships and relationships are seemingly nearing the end of their shelf life. It's particularly difficult for me because I tend to have a smaller number of very close friends in whom I invest a great deal, and it always takes me so long to build new friendships to the point where I feel comfortable.

I've tried very hard to stay in touch with so many people on so many different levels, but distance and time always seem to take their toll. It requires a great deal of effort, and I guess I'm on the short end of the stick. It's hard to maintain any kind of relationship when those involved see each other so infrequently. Everyone's grows and changes in gradual steps, but if you don't share time together you each have increasingly less in common.

Four things have caused my recent introspection and, perhaps, emotional wallowing (I will discuss two).

I spoke with my mom the other day. She's been having some health problems lately and lost my dad earlier this year. As she was going through some old photos, she was struck by how many of her lifelong friends have passed away. My parents basically moved only once after they were married and that was when they moved off the farm to settle into an apartment about 3 miles away from where they had lived for over 50 years. They never had to leave their friends, although their relationships all changed over the years. I've completely started over three times - when I started college, when I graduated and moved to Crookston, and when I moved to Sioux Falls. Each time has been more difficult to do than the previous. Still, I could relate to what mom said, since she's lost so many of her friends. At least I can still call most of mine, so I guess that's something.

A few weeks ago I went to see friends back in Crookston and a few weeks before that to see friends in Iowa. In many ways we picked up where we left off, but it was different. I can't say that I didn't enjoy the visits -- I did -- but it was too temporary. I came back to where I live now and the relative social silence. I know I can't go back, nor do I want to move back, but I miss the friendships. Phoning it in with a visit every 8 months or so isn't quite the same.

Okay, I will write a little about the third thing... another formerly very imporant friend got a new job and is moving to a new place. I sent an e-mail to congratulate this person, and I know it was received. But silence. I honestly don't know what I said or did to merit the lack of response...although our friendship was strained by an event in December. But I really tried to reach out in a conciliatory way.

Might as well do four... Today I received a short e-mail from a very close friend whom I hear from increasingly infrequently. It was so short and almost impersonal that it felt almost like it was from a random stranger. Funny (in a strange, sad way), becase at one time this person was one of the most important people in my life.

It's hard not to feel somewhat valueless when these kinds of thing happen. Is it a kind of slow, passive rejection or just the way life is? I guess the shelf life is nearing expiration on many of my friendships, and I don't know how to renew them. I really hate that. Really. If anyone reading this made it this far, sorry for the pity party.